Building the Beast: How (Not) To Build An Overland Camper Comedic Travel Memoir, Nonfiction by Jacqueline Lambert Book Sale Tour with Guest Post and Giveaway

 

 

The true story of how one married couple made an impulse purchase blind off the internet: a 24.5-tonne vintage army truck. Their plan: to convert into a unique off-grid tiny home on wheels ready for an expedition to Mongolia. 

Building the Beast:

How (Not) To Build An Overland Camper

The Wayward Truck Book 1

by Jacqueline Lambert

Genre: Comedic Travel Memoir, Nonfiction

Featuring ‘The Beast’, an expedition truck, as seen on TV*

A Vintage Truck: An Amateur Team: An Immovable Deadline
The Comic Memoir of a Crazy Idea

In this captivating true story, join an intrepid married couple as they take another wild leap into the world of nomadic living.
Four years previously, Jackie and Mark gave up work to embark on a permanent road trip with four dogs. However, one Friday the 13th, forces beyond their control cause them to throw caution to the wind and buy a 30-year-old army truck sight unseen from the internet.
Their goal: to create an expedition truck fit to drive overland to Mongolia.
Follow them as they dive headfirst into the daunting but thrilling task of converting this rugged vehicle into a perfect off-grid tiny house on wheels.
Yet their first ever DIY van conversion proves to be a rollercoaster ride, when they sell their house to fund the build, and Friday the 13th comes back to haunt them.
Is their confidence that, ‘there’s always a solution,’ misplaced?
With their relationship, sanity, and finances on the line, can they navigate the pitfalls of their first-ever build and avoid becoming homeless?
Filled with quirky van life friends and unexpected twists, this is an inspiring tale of perseverance, friendship, and finding the courage to conquer the challenges that face those who dare to chase their dreams.

* The Beast made a guest appearance on Ben Fogle’s New Lives In The Wild

ARC Reviews:

“An honest and often funny account of the realities of when people actually begin to live their dream.” Anna Rashbrook, Author

“A page-turner!…You never know what will happen next!” Carrie Riseley, Author

“The trials and tribulations of building a home on six wheels, told with laughter and insight… a must read – even if it’s just to stop you making the same mistakes!” Maximilian Sam, Award-Winning Author

“This book is a fantastic look at designing a unique project and going for it with humor and perseverance. If one is tired of another ‘chucking it all and renovating an old house’ story, this is a quixotic twist that will keep you entertained.” Kari Iverson Lane

“Hugely inspirational, because I think many would have just given up trying, with all the things they had to put in place to get their dream of owning and converting The Beast off the ground. What a story – and a fabulously entertaining book/read.” Julie Haigh, Goodreads Librarian and Top 1,000 Amazon reviewer.

**Get it for Only .99 cents!**

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Grand Designs

This is the first chapter, and gives a humorous idea of what caused us to embark on our vehicular Grand Design. Grand Designs features in the narrative of the book, with a few guest appearances from virtual Kevin McCloud at strategic stages in the build!  

Grand Designs

I have an admission to make. Property renovation programmes are my guilty pleasure – and an inspiration.

First and foremost, I’m a Hammer Head. 

For years, Homes Under the Hammer was my weekday daytime paramour. ‘Hammer,’ as it’s known to aficionados, features unsuspecting buyers purchasing property at auction. They aspire to find rubies in the rough and profit from the plain, but frequently end up with dry rot, subsidence, and a blown budget. 

This happens most often when they ignore Hammer’s golden rules.

1. ALWAYS view before bidding.

2. Read the legal pack.

3. Set a budget and stick to it.

I love the variety of projects they feature: from old sewage works to pieces of industrial wasteland, with every type of residential dwelling in between. But, a highlight for me is the literal soundtrack. The music is truly inspiring. They might pair the ‘Before’ montage of a ramshackle wreck with This Ole House by Shakin’ Stevens. Dodgy circuitry? Cue Eddy Grant’s Electric Avenue. My all-time favourite was the outstanding appropriation of Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell for a many-bedroomed residence whose only toilet was outside. I’m certain that in the midnight hour, the young lady who cried for more, more, more was not lodging an impassioned request additional indoor privies. 

From the beginning, George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces has been grist to the mill of my tiny home aspirations. Here, subjects create bonkers but bijou living quarters from sheds, tree houses, or an odd assortment of base vehicles such as a derelict boat, a retired London bus, or a decommissioned Sea King helicopter fuselage strapped to a flatbed truck. 

But if it’s wild ambition meeting unfettered eccentricity you’re after, there’s always the granddaddy of them all, Grand Designs. 

Since 1999, architect Kevin McCloud, MBE, clad in a blazer with his trademark woolly scarf rippling behind in a breeze of creativity, follows the visionaries of this world. The ones who drive humanity forward with their crazy thinking, experimental ideas, and unwavering optimism. People prepared to sacrifice their sanity – along with their relationships and their grandchildren’s inheritance – on the altar of their bold, unconventional, and sometimes hopelessly insane, home-building dreams. 

Who can forget the “heroic” Eco Arch house, whose domed roof was a confection of ceramic tiles and plaster of Paris last seen in 14th century Spain? It partially collapsed when one of the crew leaned on it. Or the monumental challenge of Yorkshire’s Hellifield Peel Tower? A stately seven-bedroom family castle raised from an 800-year-old pile of Grade-1-listed rubble, despite the central wall disintegrating and the costs exploding. Or the builds based on the shape of an ammonite fossil or a hamster wheel?

At key milestones, McCloud pops in to survey the subject’s progress, proffer wise counsel, and gently allude to flaws in design and logic. Then, he presents his signature soliloquy to camera like a wandering, windblown poet.

“This collapsing beam is no mere structural support. It is the spine of Rufus’ aspirations. The backbone of Camilla’s dream.”

When he returns to find the unfortunate couple/kids/newborns spending another unexpected winter in a caravan surrounded by freezing mud and construction chaos, McCloud may discuss the pros and cons of their approach to Project Management. 

Regardless of my decades long televisual apprenticeship, I never understood the purpose of Project Management. 

Even as an absolute novice, who had disregarded Hammer’s principal golden rule and bought unseen.

If you have discussed your plans with a knowledgeable contractor who is working for you, what’s the point of a Project Manager? Won’t the builder simply handle it for you?

And if you’re a reasonably intelligent individual, capable of navigating the treacherous waters of budget overruns and construction calamities, can’t you just oversee a project yourself? 

Even in absentia, because coronavirus travel restrictions mean you can’t return to the UK to supervise your project in person? 

After all, email and international mobile telecommunications have featured on the communication landscape for decades. 

I could almost see McCloud’s quizzical eyebrows arch higher than the dome of the 14th century Spanish villa. 

With our own Grand Design, my husband Mark and I were about to discover the merits of hands-on project management.

The hard way.

The Story of Creation (Batteries)

 

Word Count 309

This is a good example of my writing style and the level of technicality regarding the build (ie – it is not terribly technical at all!)

 

The Story of Creation (Batteries)

In the beginning (1799) in a laboratory far, far away (well, in Italy), Alessandro Volta and Luigi Galvani sparked up an argument about frogs’ legs.

It would change the world!

Scientists do the strangest things.

Galvani had been busy prodding dissected frogs’ legs with metal rods. He noted it made the muscles twitch. This, he asserted, was because they contained innate ‘animal electricity’.

Volta was not hopping on board with Galvani’s hypothesis. He believed the electricity was not inherent to animal tissues, but the result of contact between two dissimilar metals when they had some gubbins sandwiched in between. To resolve their potential difference, he devised his own game of electrical Jenga. He stacked up bits of wet cardboard with various metal combinations.

In one experiment, he assembled his signature Voltaic Pile.

He separated alternating layers of zinc and copper discs with sheets of card soaked in brine (salt water) to act as an electrolyte (a solution which conducts electricity). This simple arrangement produced a continuous flow of electricity and Watt’s Up?

Volta had created the world’s first battery!

This electrifying breakthrough sparked a whirlwind of discoveries in electrochemistry and electromagnetism. With not a trace of humour, scientists like Humphrey Davy developed huge Voltaic Piles and used them to create electrical arcs and isolate chemical elements by electrolysis.

Davy was the first to get his hands on pure potassium and unsullied sodium, as well as calcium, strontium, barium, and magnesium. All it took was zapping electricity (the electro bit) through molten salts or solutions. That caused them to split (or lyse) into their individual components at the electrodes.

Without Volta’s Pile, Mary Shelley might never have written Frankenstein in 1816. And in 2020, Mark and I might not have been scratching our heads, wondering how best to power the electrical system inside our Beast…

 

Five of the Funniest – Author Jacqueline Lambert’s Favourite Road Trip Books

As a seasoned traveller and author of comic memoirs, I’ve always had a soft spot for road trip adventures that tickle the funny bone.

I quit work in 2016 to hit the road permanently with my husband and four dogs.

Initially, we were Adventure Caravanners, who aimed To Boldly Go Where No Van Has Gone Before.

Now, we’re at large in a six-wheel army lorry we bought blind off the internet and converted into our new home. Our plan was to drive to Mongolia, until Mr. Putin invaded our route and the Azerbaijan land border closed. 

I have published seven light-hearted travel memoirs; and it remains one of my favourite genres to read.

As such, I thought you might like me to share five of my favourites in a list that left me laughing out loud!

 

1.    Marie Potter and the Campervan of Doom by Brian Burke

Brian and his wife Marie (pronounced Marry) embark on a two-year epic road trip around Europe in Gemima the Hymer, an RV who would definitely have preferred to stay at home. 

Even without a Camper Van of Doom, resilience and a sense of humour are essential travel companions. With the scrapes these two get in, they needed plenty of both. I laughed out loud at the imaginative turns of phrase used to describe the tribulations, destinations, and people they met. This book stands out as one of the funniest I’ve ever read.

 

2.    The Sat Nav Diaries by Adrian Sturrock

The author bought a Mazda sports car on a whim, which prompted him to plan a mid-life road trip through Europe. His wife Nat decided to go along for the ride, and I am so glad she did. The banter between them is like a comedy double act.

Road trip memoirs are frequently a catalogue of calamities, a search for self, or a directory of delectable destinations. This book is notably devoid of disasters and empty of ‘eureka’ moments. In fact, very little actually happens… 

Yet in a series of wry observations, witty perspectives, and entertaining sketches, Adrian captures the flavour of the trip masterfully, with huge belly laughs thrown in. I can’t wait to read more from this thoughtful, funny writer.

 

3.    Vroom With A View by Peter Moore

Come along on a giggle-filled rev around Italy aboard a vintage Vespa motor scooter.

I am a Born Again Italian. In the same way I love everything about Italy, I loved everything about this book. Good travel writing makes you want to jump out of your chair and hit the road yourself. From the snippets of history about an Italian classic, the Vespa motor scooter, to the descriptions of wonderful off-the-beaten-path places and the irrepressible kindness and spirit of the Italian people, I defy you not to want to sample la vita Italiana after reading this book!

 

4.    Three Men in a Float: Across England at 15 Mph by Dan Kieran and Ian Vince

To enter the Mongol Rally from Europe to Ulan Ude in Russia, your car must have an engine no larger than 1.2 litres. The premise is that such a farcically inappropriate vehicle will probably break down, and therefore invite adventure and interaction with locals.

Obviously, a 600-mile odyssey across southern Britain in an elderly electric milk float, with unreliable batteries and a top speed of 15 mph, is an open invitation to all kinds of mishaps.

Comedy writers Dan and Ian tackle alternate chapters. Since Dan authored the bestselling trilogy Crap Towns: a guide to the worst towns in Britain, there is plenty of off-the-wall detail about the places they passed through. Reliant on the kindness of strangers and third man Pras, an electrician with magical powers, this is a gently comic, informative and quirky alternative to Jerome K. Jerome’s classic.

 

5.    Not Tonight Josephine: A Road Trip Through Small-Town America by George Mahood

Impecunious Brits George and his friend Mark decide to search for the ‘real’ America, crossing the continent from east to west in a clapped-out old car.

At every point, amid clouds of smoke, impending mechanical Armageddon, and brushes with the law, it seems unlikely that they’ll make it. One night, in the middle of nowhere, when ominous sounds emanate from the engine, George pleads, “Not tonight, Josephine…!”

The author has a humorous conversational style and paints an unforgettable portrait of the unlikely places he passed through. I thoroughly enjoyed this bump start, clunk, and judder across the States with the frustrating but lovable Josephine!

 

I hope these five picks not only provide a glimpse into the trials and triumphs of life on the road, but also serve as a reminder of the joy that comes from embracing the unexpected.

Each book offers a unique and humorous perspective on the exhilarating journey of exploration. So, whether you’re planning your next adventure, or simply looking for a good laugh, I hope these travellers’ tales will keep you entertained and inspired!

 

Find Jackie’s books on Amazon: https://author.to/JLambert

Follow her travel blog: www.WorldWideWalkies.com

Visit her author website: www.JacquelineLambert.co.uk

 

 

 Jacqueline (Jackie) Lambert is an award-winning travel writer, adventure traveller, and dogmother, who loves history and curious facts.

BC (Before Canines) she rafted, rock-climbed, and backpacked around six of the seven continents. A passionate windsurfer and skier, she can fly a plane, has been bitten by a lion, and appeared on Japanese TV as a fire-eater.

AD (After Dog), she quit work in 2016 to hit the road permanently with her husband and four pooches. Initially, they were Adventure Caravanners, who aimed To Boldly Go Where No Van Has Gone Before.

Now, they’re at large in a self-converted six-wheel army lorry, with Mongolia in their sights.

All her books and the anthologies that include her travel stories are available on Amazon:

https://author.to/JLambert

Photo: Mark, Jackie & The Fab Four with The Beast. Photo courtesy of @Liveration, who made a short film about the crew and their lifestyle on YouTube.

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